My story

Growing pains

Both of my daughters are at that age (as I write they are thirteen and ten) that growth is happening at a rapid pace. Because of that, they often complain of different pains throughout their bodies. In this circumstance, the pain they feel acts as a sign that they are growing. Pain can also signify you have been hurt, there is something that needs your attention, OR pain can be the result of stretching and growing through the healing process.

The healing process–no matter if it’s connected to the physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual–can produce pain as well. I believe that is why most people chose to ignore or avoid certain situations (or issues) for as long as possible. Usually, I am not willing to face the pain until it becomes too unbearable to ignore it any longer. In recent years, I have learned that it’s way more beneficial to face the initial pain “head on” and avoid a long, drawn-out process. Last February, I got a tiny hair shard stuck in my ring finger (a work hazard as a stylist). I watched it swell up over a week’s time before I decided to seek medical help. So there I was, sitting in the doctor’s office with a fingertip filled with pus. I definitely had avoided the situation long enough. Better to be done with it and get back to the being healthy part… The doctor had to literally go digging in my finger with a needle to squeeze out all the pus so the infection could exit my body. I thought I was going to pass out on the table. But if I hadn’t gone through the pain of getting that toxic infection out, I could have faced worse down the road. The infection could have grown and started to spread, causing me to eventually lose a finger. So, I really avoided worse consequences by not waiting to face the pain.

The same has been true not only for my physical health but also for my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. I have found that delaying the need of dealing with the pain or avoiding the pain altogether usually causes a setback of some kind. I think that is why I love the following quote so much: “The surest sign of health is growth.” If I am healthy (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually), I am in a position to truly grow, learn, and expand my horizons. It’s like there is nothing holding me back when I am healthy.

I am not always consciously aware that something is bothering me, but when I start to feel “stuck,” I know it’s time to do some soul searching or some serious self-evaluation. My lack of growth shows me there is something I need to confront in my life. I have learned that knowing is half the battle, and then confronting the issue (situation) quickly is actually LESS painful than waiting or ignoring it altogether.

For example, I was on the phone with one of my mom friends recently discussing our kids’ issues and how to handle them when I noticed she had grown silent on the other end. I immediately apologized, realizing I had over-stepped and said something that hurt her. I asked her to forgive me right then so that bitterness and resentment would not find a place to grow in her heart. I wanted to keep the lines of communication open and our friendship on good terms. In order to do that, I had to address the situation right away and not ignore the truth. And that truth was that I had hurt her.

I know that avoiding confrontation altogether seems like a better choice because on the outside it LOOKS like it helps “keep the peace,” but underneath bitterness and resentment can lurk. Those two things can quickly become a toxic poison if we choose to avoid dealing with the painful situations (issues) immediately. We really need to go beyond our comfort zone for true healing to take place for ourselves and for others.

Most of the pain (hurt) I have experienced throughout my life has not been physical; although, I have been in need of physical healing in the way of weight loss. My experience includes the pain of rejection, of disappointment, of betrayal, and of regrets. At one point, I even found myself doubting God–His goodness and His love for me. The enemy had me believing that delayed promises meant God was withholding from me and that was “proof” He didn’t really love me.

Chances are, you have probably gone through a lot of the same experiences. The details may be different, but the feelings that accompany them are the same. Truth, although sometimes scary, CAN be your friend because it allows you to get to the “root” of the problem. By bringing hurt and pain into the light of God’s Truth, it can become an open door to healing, restoration, and freedom.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

For the past couple years, I have really struggled with lack of motivation, lack of commitment (in my relationships, especially with God), and a lack of passion I have felt. Over all, it’s like this dullness settled in around my heart, and I was finding it difficult to escape it. It started feeling like I was just going through the motions. Things I used to love didn’t have the same appeal, and I could feel joy fading. What’s worse, it was affecting relationship with my husband.

I was forced to do some serious self-evaluation and cried out for help from my Father. Through prayer, reading the Word, and some intense conversations with my husband, I began to realize the truth of things. I had started to believe lies about the Father towards me like “God is withholding from you,” and “You are not worthy of His love.” Plus, I was believing lies about myself. The main one: “You don’t have anything valuable to say.” All this was key because these lies led me to disobedience. It didn’t start out that way; but the lies led to doubt, and doubt led to fear, and then fear led to disobedience.

The Father was trying to get my attention. He was speaking and showing me that He wanted me to write a blog. He wanted me to be truthful about my own journey of healing and restoration because He had already given me a lot of truth to share. But fear was taking over, and I ran to “relief” instead of “nourishment.” It’s so easy just to turn on my favorite HGTV show or Hallmark movie to occupy myself and find relief for my mind, instead of seeking time to pray, read the Word, or get out into nature for THOSE things that really nourish my soul. Do you ever find yourself doing that same thing?

Part of my healing process was supposed to include writing the blog (this very one) by taking my journaling, prayers, and lessons learned and turning them into a shared experience. But again, fear got in the way. I’ve observed that people can be so cruel in their comments and judgments, and it stopped me in my tracks. Others’ opinions have mattered way too much in my past (another area of facing the truth), and I didn’t know if I was ready to expose myself in such a way. After all, I am STILL learning and growing. Allowing myself to become vulnerable and expose myself seemed like a risky decision. It kind of feels like ripping off a bandage in the middle of the healing process and exposing all the nastiness underneath. Like, eeewww…. who wants to see that?

Did I really want friends, family, and strangers alike to see all that hurt, pain, fear, etc.? Even now, I admit that it feels way outside of my comfort zone and somewhat scary because let’s face it, the majority of the “Christian” community loves to emphasize how “fine” life is and how “good” they are doing. It honestly feels like I might not be a welcome addition…bringing Truth to the light and exposing some of the ugliness that goes on during the healing process.

Truth has become a catalyst in my own life to motivate me and move me forward. I guess that’s why I have made it such a priority to always speak Truth in these times of sharing. I don’t want to hide behind a lie or even a half truth. I have discovered that truth is essential for change. Without change, growth cannot happen, and without growth we become stagnant and unhealthy. I think it’s so interesting that Jesus describes Himself as “The Truth.”

“I am the (only) way (to God), the (real) truth, and the (real) life…” John 14:6

Wow–look at that–the REAL Truth and the REAL life… That reminds me of another verse.

“…I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

Is it starting to sink in yet? His purpose is to bring life. Not just any kind of life, but a FULL life. The temptation is to fill up your schedule and call that the “full life,” but you were meant for so MUCH more than busyness, routine, or managing more stuff. A FULL life means living life with divine purpose, living from a place of deep connection with the Father, and experiencing peace, joy, and hope in the present. I pray you are beginning to understand this truth.

I am not a believer of accidental meetings or coincidences. I believe in Divine interventions. I believe the Father has intervened on your behalf (in meeting me here) to offer you a dose of Truth and to point toward an abundant life through healing and restoration. This is your wake-up call…”No more surviving, it’s time to thrive!”

If you go all the way back to the beginning of creation, you will see that we started out in a thriving garden paradise filled with every good thing we could possibly need, with beauty beyond imagination, and within a place of peace (not of pain). This place where the original glory of man was intimate with their Creator, before sin ever existed. I can only imagine what that would have felt like… to have known the Father in such a way. As I picture that kind of glorious haven, it reminds me that was always the intent–right from the beginning. I keep thinking, “If only we could find a way back there.” Of course, the desire behind that thought is the desire to recover the original, pure beauty and health that existed in the Garden of Eden. That desire is what inspired me to call my blog, “Reviving Eden: Getting back to the root.”

“Getting back to the ROOT,” means getting back to the Truth of God’s Word. We also need to go back to the beginning and see the truth of what we had and what we lost. Hopefully by doing that, we can compare how things started out to how we have ended up today. I don’t know about you, but things today are looking really bad to me. I don’t have to look very far…

Every day I send my daughters to school, I wonder if they will be safe because gun violence is so prevalent on school grounds. I have experienced the brokenness of divorce, as my own parents got divorced when I was eighteen (thankfully, now they are remarried to each other). The daily decisions I make as a parent astound me. I never thought I would have to decide if my (then) twelve-year-old should sit through a school group counseling session on teen suicide as mental health issues continued to escalate. And just the other day as I was filling out my paperwork for the doctor (getting treatments for diabetes type two), right there in black and white it read, “Please check the box next to your original sex at birth. Which pronouns do you identify with?” Something is seriously messed up. Terrian has it correct when she sings, “Have we all gone mad? Have we lost our minds? What used to be wrong, we say that it’s right. Honestly, I think we just need Jesus.” I know I’m not the only one seeing these things! And that is right here in my neighborhood and in my own house…without even mentioning local or world news.

These are just all smaller pieces of a bigger picture. I still believe it starts with Truth, and that means being honest. Are we willing to speak Truth? Can we rely on our pastors and leaders to speak Truth, even if it means speaking what we would rather not hear? Honestly, this is one of the main reasons why my husband and I do not currently attend a church. “Church” has become more of a building (a meeting of minds) and less of a community (a meeting of hearts). I grew up in church, and sometimes I miss it; but it has become a place of fake smiles, polite affections, and cold hearts. My husband and I do not sense the Spirit in church as we once did. Things like entertainment, smart programming, coffee bars, and comfort have all become far more important than true Oneness of heart and a true movement of the Spirit.

So, we received it as an opportunity to get alone with the Father–without all the distractions. We positioned ourselves to receive “the spring of living water” directly from the Father so that our thirst for Him could be satisfied (John 4:14). The experience has enabled us to dig deeper into the Word, to discover truth found there, and be able to own it–not just take our pastor’s word for it. Drinking from the Source has shown us practical ways of abiding in the Father’s love on a daily basis–not just on Sundays. In this way, it has also enhanced our connection as a couple and as a family. Along with that, we have maintained strong connections with a community of like-hearted friends. So instead of going “to church,” we have been practicing”we are church.” Pure water brings life, health (healing), and wholeness.

“The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” Isaiah 58:11

I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Father in a unique way. It’s become my passion to share it. I especially have a heart for men and women who have walked a broken road like myself. Beauty CAN rise out of the ashes, and that happens most often when we support and champion each other. My greatest hope is to see both young and old, men and women, pursuing a passionate love relationship with the Father that leads to health, wellness, and full maturity. Perhaps you would allow me to speak Truth into your heart and become a friend along the way. All of what I’ve shared so far is what’s on my heart, but I would like to take a moment to officially introduce myself.

Here in Georgia, we say, “Hey” instead of “Hello.” My name is Tami. I thought it would be nice to share a little about myself. I am a stylist by trade and really love getting behind the chair to help brighten someone’s day and enhance their style. I’ve always had a real love for writing and reading. Growing up, my mom was forever trying to get my attention as my nose was in a book most of the time. I also love to cook, bake, take pictures, put puzzles together, be creative, and challenge myself to learn new things. Plus, I love meaningful time shared with my husband, my girls, and my besties. I grew up in Vermont which instilled in me my love and appreciation for nature. During my teen years, my family moved to Georgia. I currently live in North Georgia surrounded by picturesque mountains and Southern hospitality. My husband, Daniel, our two girls, and I enjoy the outdoors. We love to trail hike, swim, and play pickle ball. We also enjoy making plans for our next family adventure so there is always something exciting to anticipate.

Please join me through this blog as I share my own journey of healing and restoration. Nearly a half century of life experience and learning has taught me some valuable lessons. But as I said earlier, I am still in the process of learning and growing. So please be kind. What I have learned, I love to pass on as a way of, hopefully, helping others to avoid the same mistakes I’ve made. It’s kind of in my nature to share things that have become helpful.

I pray that this blog can help inspire your own journey towards healing and restoration as well. Warning: this journey may require some serious self-reflection, challenge you to think differently, and even make you uncomfortable as the Father reveals His heart towards you. As Cory Asbury sings, “There’s no shadow You won’t light up, Mountain You won’t climb up coming after me! There’s no wall You won’t kick down, lie You won’t tear down coming after me! Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God…”

I also hope that you find encouragement that will fuel hope and keep you going– don’t give up–in these uncertain times. We CAN be certain of God’s goodness and His love for us.

Thanks for opening your heart and allowing me the time to share what is on mine.

I would love to hear from you about your own journey. You can contact me by clicking on the following link.

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Songs that inspired me while writing this post:

-Switchfoot “Dare You to Move”

-Terrian “Honestly, We Just Need Jesus”

-Casting Crowns “The Well”

-Cory Asbury “Reckless Love”